1998-10-31
The first thing to know about a "strategic plan" is that the term itself invites ridicule: a strategy is a plan. So what you have is a "plan plan".
The second thing to know is that no group of employees who is using all of their time to contribute to the success of their company has any time for a "strategic plan" or "missions statement" or any other such nonsense.
Have you ever been part of a strategic planning session? I always picture Napoleon Bonaparte doing strategic planning. He's in uniform at the front of a group of generals sitting on the grass and he's got a easel with a big wad of lined paper, and he's writing on the paper with magic marker.
Meanwhile, the other side, without a mission statement or a strategic plan or a list of stakeholders, has attacked from the rear and our noble conqueror is slain or captured.
Napoleon Creates a Strategic Plan:
Napoleon: All right, let's talk about who we are.
Anyone? Who are we?
General #1: conquerors?
Napoleon: (writes it down) Conquerors. Do you spell that with an "e"
or an "o"? "O"? Okay. Anyone else?
General #2: soldiers?
Napoleon: Okay. That's good, but too general. What do soldiers do?
Pierre?
General #3: Well, we loot, and pillage, and burn houses down.
Napoleon: That's good. Loot. Burn. Pillage.
General #1: And we rape.
Napoleon: Rape? Do I put that down.
General #2: Well, it's not really part of our mission, as soldiers. I don't think it
belongs in who we are. It's more like a strategy.
Napoleon: So, you're saying that our goal is not to rape, but if rape facilitates the
achievement of our goals--
General #1: Yes, like our mission.
General #3: To conquer. I think killing and burning belongs under
"strategies" too.
Napoleon: Okay, but we'll get to that later. Now, I think we need a mission
statement to put on here so we can reflect on it and discuss it in terms of appropriate
strategies, and resources, and other stakeholders. Then we come back to it at the
end of tomorrow and discuss if it still reflects our thinking as a group? Agreed?
General #1: To conquer Europe?
Napoleon: That's good. That's simple, easy to remember. (writes it
down).