Who are these noble men who seek to purify the government by removing that festering pustule of delinquency, Bill Jefferson Clinton, from the sacred repository of all that is noble and good? Let's meet some of them:
Bob Barr - when he is not busy addressing the John Birch Society or White Supremacist rallies, Bob likes to commit a little adultery himself. In all fairness, Bob claims that he doesn't really understand what those white hoods are for.
Sonny Bono - died, before he could win a single Grammy for song-writing. But that's okay: in democratic, freedom-loving America, his wife can have his job, ruling the country and impeaching presidents.
Zach Wamp of Tennessee opposes all government spending, unless it goes to his district.
Henry Hyde had a little fling on the side himself back he was Clinton's age, but don't let that fool you: he believes in something, not like those atheist, pagan Democrats!
Helen Chenoweth thinks all people who commit adultery and lie about it should be removed from office. Oops. Seems she committed adultery. I guess she didn't lie about it. "Hi there. I'm Congresswoman Helen Chenoweth and I'm having sex with your husband."
Steve Stockman of Texas likes to hang around with those militia groups that stockpile arms for the day of reckoning, when blacks and Jews try to take over America.
Enid Green Waldholtz, Utah, got elected with a little help from her father: $2 million worth of illegal campaign contributions. Oops. Let's not investigate that.
Wes Cooley slightly exaggerated his war record. Seems he wasn't part of that patriotic special operations unit in Korea after all.
Newt Gingrich. Aside from a few dozen ethics violations, such as trying to hide the income from his best-selling books, and the fact that he, like Dan Quayle, avoided military service, and the fact that he is the most ego-centric and unpopular politician in the country.... oh yes. Don't forget that he engineered a complete shutdown of the federal government in November 1995, one of the most colossal political blunders of all time, because he was still in a snit over not being invited to exit the front door of Air Force One when it arrived in Israel for the funeral of Yitzhak Rabin.
Governor George Bush Jr. Well, let's just hope Kenneth Starr isn't still looking into lifestyles of the rich and elected by 2000.... but then again, Starr doesn't investigate Republicans. That's what we mean by "independent". Let's just say that George enjoyed his youth and leave it at that, shall we?
Fred Heineman of North Carolina thinks most middle class families earn around $700K.
Dan Burton... oh dear... that adultery thing again. He also raised the art of political discourse to a new high with his formal description of the president as "a scumbag". Can you spell "statesmanship"?
Bob Dole. Let's not speculate too much here about Mr. Family Values, but merely note, with dignity and restraint, that Mr. Dole's first wife's name is not Elizabeth.
Dan Quayle. War record, Dan? You weren't one of those despicable draft dodgers were you? Chicken-hawk. Indiana National Guard? Oooo. Did you get a chance to lob a few grenades at Birch Bayh?
Robert Livingston. A good decent man who happened to have committed adultery too. What a shame. Good, decent men like Bob Barr forced him to resign.
