Bob Dylan performed a concert in Montreal on July 8th, 1988. He was so bad the audience booed him off the stage. Humiliated and disgraced, he retired from all public performances, though he continued to write brilliant, searing songs like "The Man in the Long Black Coat" for other artists who knew how to sing, like Joan Osborne.
Yeah. Right. Never happened.
It almost happened, once. In 1965, in New York, an audience expecting an acoustic, folkie Dylan, rebelled when he brought the Hawks, an eclectic electric band, on stage with him, and drilled into "Like a Rolling Stone". He survived the heckling and came back for an encore, with his acoustic guitar, and played "It’s All Over Now, Baby Blue". On a subsequent tour of England, he encountered more booing and heckling. Still, the majority of the audiences sat back and listened and applauded at the end of each number. More importantly, they paid for their tickets. Dylan sold out every venue.
There is something bizarre about the 1988 concert in Montreal. He is not as bad as you sometimes think he is—his version of Leonard Cohen’s "Hallelujah" is fascinating and passionate—but he certainly is not "singing". He shouts and honks and garbles and inhales and mumbles and wails and barks. Is he really good at shouting and honking and garbling and inhaling and mumbling and wailing and barking? It wouldn’t be hard to find someone who is way better at it than he is.
If Dylan is so bad, why does he continue, in 1999, to sell out every venue? Maybe I’m stupid. Maybe I’m completely wrong about singing. Maybe this shrieking from the bowels of hell really is quite beautiful and interesting.
It is interesting that he is currently touring with Paul Simon, who wrote this cute little tribute in 1966:
I knew a man whose brain’s so small
Couldn’t think of nothing at all
Not the same as you and me
Doesn’t dig poetry
He’s so un-hip that when you say "Dylan"
He thinks you’re talking about Dylan Thomas,
Whoever he was. Why the man aint got no culture!
But it’s all right ma, everybody must get stoned….
… I lost my harmonica, Albert….
"Albert" is probably a reference to Dylan’s manager, Albert Grossman (who also managed Peter, Paul, and Mary). The song, "A Simple Desultory Philippic", was one of those petty, vindictive little pieces that result when an artist is jealous of the recognition given to a rival. Simon also once commented that he wanted to earn more respect from critics but couldn’t train his voice to scream with the proper intensity. Artful sarcasm from a man accustomed to accompanying Art Garfunkel, one of the truly gorgeous voices of pop music.
Dylan responded a few years later with a hilarious parody of "The Boxer", doing both Simon and Garfunkel’s voices, equally preposterously. For the record, I should inform you that some critics believe the Dylan version, released on the disastrous double-album Self Portrait, was a "tribute" to his "good friend" Simon. Hmmm. It might well have been both.
It was the Beatles who first noticed that the audience no longer cared about the musical quality of the live performance. It came to them at the height of their career, when they were selling out Shea Stadium and other acoustic hellholes. They discovered that the audience screamed and howled during their entire sets. If you are screaming and howling you aren’t listening. You certainly aren’t trying to notice pitch or rhythm or harmony. You aren’t thinking: "hmmm, seems to me Ringo’s lost a fraction of a second on his timing there…" In other words, they discovered that audiences did not actually come to the concert to hear the music. They were there to see their idols live, on stage, and scream, and get hysterical, and experience the phenomenon of super-stardom up close and personal. Well, as up close and personal as you get when the nearest seat that is available to the general public is about 100 feet away from the stage.
Thank you pop fans. It is because of your mindless devotion that many musicians feel quite comfortable ambling out on stage an hour or two late. You can tell when the concert is about to begin: the rich and privileged take their seats, at last, directly in front of the stage. The seats that you can’t get even if you camp in front of the primary ticket outlet for three days and buy the very first tickets (and pay an exorbitant "handling" fee). You will find that the very first tickets are for seats x and y in row 66. Where did all the other tickets go? The parasites and vampires who run the ticket agencies have them. You think they’re actually going to sell them to you? No way! Not even after charging you preposterous "service" fees to take your money and make you wait. (Kudos to Pearl Jam who has been fighting this system, without much success, for years).
Dylan discovered that he could be rude and snarly and arrogant, and people would still be wild for him and the critics would still worship him. He discovered that he could treat his friends like dirt and still be admired and respected. He discovered that he could be selfish and annoying and hypocritical, and it didn’t matter: his fans would line up on schedule and fork over their $25 or $35 or $45 or $65 to see him live. He discovered that he could paint! No kidding. He did a cover for "The Band", and for his own "Self-Portrait". It's this kind of cubist pastiche that you are supposed to think is the product of genius because it breaks so many rules of conventional art. Actually, his paintings are crummy. He must have realized that eventually-- you don't see many Bob Dylan art shows lately.
And he discovered that he could sing like a howling weasel and it still didn’t matter.
Of course the critics were not fooled….
Well, of course they were.
You see, at one time, Dylan could sing. Quite well, in fact.
But in the 1960’s, people who admired Frank Sinatra and Tony Bennett thought that Dylan couldn't sing. But these people didn't know a thing about the blues or folk, so they could be readily dismissed as narrow-minded and ignorant. But more sophisticated jass and folk critics like Robert Shelton, Nat Hentoff, and Greil Marcus lauded Dylan for his originality and brilliance. And they were right, about the Dylan of the 1960's. Listen to him on his early albums, on "The Lonesome Death of Hattie Carroll" or "Don’t Think Twice, It’s All right", or "Motopsycho Nightmare" or "Visions of Johanna". He is not merely good. He is often brilliant, astonishing, breath-taking. He was the most original talent of his time. He could even be tender and melodious—listen to all of Nashville Skyline and "Tangled up in Blue".
So let’s not get confused here—I’m not one of those people who believe that Dylan never could sing.
In the 1980’s, critics who admired Nat Hentoff and Greil Marcus and didn’t understand the difference between audaciousness and audacity, took up the torch and praised Dylan’s art. The more obscure and obtuse and incoherent, the better—the less likely the common man was going to mistake their admiration for mere pretentiousness.
Now, I’m going to tell you a very shocking and amazing fact: Bob Dylan, today, sounds like garbage. No, it’s not your ears fooling you--he really does sound like garbage. He sings with the melodic artfulness of a blast furnace. He sings with the rhythmic inventiveness of a stuffed fish. He sings with banality and monotony. He’s not even clever with his phrasing anymore.
What happened? Dylan has always lived an insular life and has never had the self-respect to associate with people as smart or smarter than himself. Think of the enormous stress the adulation he received in the early 1960’s put on his personal relationships. He cast aside Joan Baez. He ridiculed Phil Ochs. He dumped loyal friends and associates who dared to imply anything less than full-hearted worship and admiration. He surrounded himself with people of unquestioning loyalty and mindless devotion. So when he finished a concert or a new album or some particularly weird movie performance and asked these people, "how’d I do?" I doubt very much he heard anything but comments like the following:
"Great, Bob."
"Brilliant again, Bob!"
"Had ‘em eating out of your hand, Bob."
And Dylan sits there thinking, "Man, I thought I stunk, but I guess I was really great. Must have been great—sold out again, in 40 cities."
Dylan now plays Vegas. Dylan now belongs in Vegas.
Copyright © 1999 Bill Van Dyk All rights reserved.
