The Diana Krall Syndrome.
Diana Krall seems like a perfectly fine lady. She looks very nice.
She gets a lot of airplay on the CBC.
She is the opposite of Susan Boyle. Diana Krall looks absolutely
ravishing-- if your taste runs to big-boned blonde Visigoths-- but,
truthfully, is a rather average singer.
Just think-- if you could combine Susan Boyle's voice with Diana Krall's
looks, you would have the perfect entertainer. Right? Wrong.
Nobody really cares about the voice part. Diana Krall has the only
advantage that matters already in hand.
And actually, Susan Boyle's singing talents really are quite over-rated as
well.
Over 30 million people have
now been duped into watching the video of the frumpy middle-aged woman who
can sing. Everyone is astonished. Who would have thought a
frumpy middle-aged woman could sing?
Who would have thought anyone would be surprised
that a frumpy middle-aged woman can sing?
Either the average person is far more dull-witted than ever previously
imagined, or we are all fooling ourselves. You're at a talent show.
You watch various attractive young people march across the stage, with
varying levels of talent. Then you see a frumpy middle-aged woman.
You think-- obviously she has no talent. Right.
In fact, any reasonably astute person would have likely
thought, she's certainly not here for her looks. Obviously, she must
be able to sing.
Now, this is a program which
introduces emerging talents and then processes them like hamburgers through
the obscene rituals of fashion makeovers, stylists, image consultants,
deportment experts, etc., with the goal of rendering them into mental
frumps-- celebrities. Why the real frumpy woman? To convince the
viewers that they are not like those shallow, crass people who only
appreciate art if it is packaged in sexy, youthful flesh. No no no-- I
don't judge people by their appearance-- only by their abilities.
And after Susan Boyle has had her meaningless moment on
the stage, these same people will go back to choosing the singer with the
biggest bosom, and only watching movies that star sexy young Hollywood
starlets. Except for Meryl Streep movies-- because she is the Susan
Boyle of Hollywood films: the exception that proves we are decent,
intelligent people after all. We like serious actors. My
enjoyment of their films is a badge of culture and good taste. I'm
glad you know that. Besides, Meryl Streep may be flat-chested but she
is sort of pretty. She's prettier than Mrs. Doubtfire.
Now, it has occurred to me that my enjoyment of
obscure films by Japanese directors like Ozu might be taken for the same
thing. I've had that reaction before: you can't seriously like
"Late Spring"-- it's excruciatingly slow moving and, it's black and white.
Or, more likely, "I watched that film you were so hot about-- I couldn't
believe how boring it was!"
It's probably true. Though I must admit, it's not that much fun at
work to casually mention, at lunch, that I watched an obscure Chinese film
last night.
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© Bill Van Dyk
2009 All Rights Reserved
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