Rant of the Week

Bullies and Political Philosophy

There is a grave flaw in the conservatives' argument that the government should stay out of our lives as much as possible. Or maybe it isn't a flaw. Maybe it is the real essence of conservatism.

If our world is a school yard, big corporations and the rich are like the bullies. Conservatives want the government to stay out of it: the bullies knock you down, kick you, and take your lunch money. They abuse the girls, toss their garbage wherever they like, and when the ice cream man arrives, they take all the ice cream, drive off the ice cream man, and then resell it to the rest of the kids at twice the price. Oh wait-- the school yard does have an army. It's role is to go to other school yards and bully those kids and take their lunch money. They bring it back and have a parade commemorating their success, and then keep it all for themselves. Every day, they remind you that the bullies in the other school yards are all plotting to steal your lunch money, or worse. They make up songs praising themselves and force everyone to sing them.

If George Bush runs this school yard, then the bullies take your credit cards and run up a huge bill buying weapons with which to go invade other school yards. They buy these weapons from themselves and make huge profits. Most of the weapons cost a lot but they don't work properly and eventually get tossed. Then they hold solemn parades on the basketball court. "If only," they tell us, "the other bullies would stop trying to take our lunch money, we could have peace!"

In Glenn Beck's and Sarah Palin's ideal world, that's the way it should be. If you're not big enough or tough enough to stand up to the bullies, too bad for you.

They look solemnly at the faces in the school yard: you don't want the government telling you what to do, do you?