All right– it’s just a little thing. It’s not like a war or the Olympics or Microsoft or GATT or the environment. But it bugs me a lot and it’s my web page, so I’m cutting lose. The subject of this week’s rant: the computer keyboard.
You see the orange circle? That’s where the left slash symbol is located. This is the symbol that any real computer geek knows is one of the most important keys on the keyboard. Why? Because when you really want to get things done on a system level at the keyboard, you go to the DOS prompt and start pecking away. And one of the things you type the most often is this simple little command:
cd \
Or any of a hundred variations.
Now you see the dark circle? That is pointing to the location where the dang “\” key SHOULD be. I even moved it there in the picture. That’s where it used to be on some IBM keyboards and, I believe, some early Northgate keyboards. But almost every keyboard made since then– even the legendary Northgate (much prized for it’s solid steel construction, it’s tactile response, and substantial weight)– puts the “\” key somewhere else, where you have to take your hand off the home row to reach it.
Now tell me, how often do you need the right slash (“/”) or a “[” or a “]” or a “{” or a “}”? Almost never, right? There’s already the perfectly useful “(” and “)” up there above the “i” and “o”, and those completely useless triangle brackets (“<>”) below the “k” and “l”. Why on earth do they put the most useful non-alphanumeric key in the most bizarre place?
Well, the same knucklehead who decided that directories could be named “program files” but only accessed with:
“cd\progra~1
Good heavens! Not only do you have to reach way beyond the right home row to hit “\” (and try to avoid accidentally hitting the return key) but now you have to leave the left home row as well to try to get the tilde (“~”) way up there beside the “1”. Curly, Larry, and Moe are in charge of “innovations” at Microsoft.
And while I’m at it… have you seen those new idiotic keyboards with the row of blue buttons along the top? These buttons are dedicated to Internet functions. Instead of actually having to move a mouse pointer to a icon on your desktop, now all you have to do is press a button, and there you are: MSN, NBC, CNN, whatever.
I have always said that the goal of AOL, Microsoft, Compaq et al is to turn the Internet into television, where your choices are limited to what the corporate hacks think you should have. The entire idea of these buttons is revolting. The personal computer was, at one time, a force for personal liberation precisely because it was flexible and non-proprietary and controlled by the user. Ever since then, Corporate America has been trying to take it back. This is the latest step, along with all those obscene programs you get with every laptop to try to get you to subscribe to Genie or MSN or AOL or some other apparatchik-infested on-line service. The goal is to force you to watch their propaganda and advertising. The goal is to, once again, reduce the computer user to a computer viewer: passive, docile, mindless. The ultimate consumer. Just enter your charge card number…. Their worst nightmare is that you might one day once again seize control of your computer and choose where you get your information from.
It will have to go down in history as one of life’s great mysteries, along with these:
Why did cruddy Microsoft Windows outsell every other operating system in the world?
Why did mass audiences ever learn to accept the hideous vulgarity of television sitcom laugh-tracks?
Why did VHS defeat Beta in the market place?
Why was the 2000 election in the U.S. ever even close enough for George Bush Jr. to steal? Quick, list Dubbya’s accomplishments prior to his elevation to this lofty status.
Why did anyone ever buy a Vega or a Pinto?
Why do shriveled old bureaucrats present trophies at celebrated sporting events?
Who buys “extended warranties”? Why do these people think that salesmen would hustle them so avidly if they were a good deal for the customer?