This is an actual quote from the NY Times, January 22, 2018:
“There were many ways I tried to make it stop, which included giving in to having sex with him, which I did but was disassociated, frozen inside myself, barely there,” Ms. Rubinstein recalled.
Yes it is. When she first reported this, in 2006, Ms. Rubinstein acknowledged that she had had an affair with the cad. The cad was the director of Long Wharf Theatre in New Haven. Forget all that– he will now only be remembered as a man who had sex.
It’s a novel approach, Ms. Rubinstein. You wonder if it leaves room for ambiguity in the minds of neutral observers. But I heard three women on the CBC the other day– all experts, of course– claiming that all allegations are always true. I am not exaggerating in the least: I turned the radio up to make sure I understood them correctly. Allegations are always true. No woman has ever lied about a man who tried to have sex with her.
Some of us think some innocent men have been accused. Actually, in many cases, there is very, very good proof that a man was false accused. Are they collateral damage?
“What collateral damage”? one of them exclaimed, insisting there was none.
There are no innocent men. Not even if you have pity sex with them.
One of them said that when you heard about the horrible feelings that one victim had said about her victimization you can’t possibly give the slightest credence to the perp’s denials. No awful story about reputations shattered livelihoods destroyed, or families broken up will ever elicit that kind of compassion. No University of Virginia, no Lacrosse team, no Paul Nungesser, no, no, no.
There very obviously is a lot of collateral damage. But I’m not sure these women would disagree with me about the basic facts– for example, the woman who charged a man with rape and was later found to have text messages on her phone that expressed more than consent: she was enthusiastic. It did not happen as she reported to the police. The charges– after destroying this man’s reputation– were dropped. The NBA player who was in a different city at the time an ex-girlfriend alleged that he raped her. The University of Virginia. The lacrosse team.
It was a stimulating discussion by the three women on the CBC. It got me seriously wondering about perception and judgement and memory.
I’m not sure these three women would not have just said, well, it was rape anyway. If she feels it was rape now, then it was rape. She’s not lying– just expressing an inner conviction about certain qualities of her relationship with this man. That is enough. And even if it wasn’t rape, he was a man who did not give her what she wanted: that is enough to justify vilifying him. Nobody else should ever be friends with him. They should be friends with me.