Dr. Dobson — your unelected Supreme Court Decider, has four body guards. I think this is fascinating. Capo James– the Godfather of the American Civil Religion– has bodyguards.
Who, I wonder, would want to kill Dr. Dobson? I mean, aside from all those liberals and progressives and environmentalists and any individuals who were tortured as a result of Bush Administration policies that Dobson endorses. Oh no. I mean, seriously, someone who really wants to stop him?
When a poor kid from the ghetto with special talent makes it to the big leagues, basketball, baseball, football, the first thing he does is hire a bodyguard. Not because someone is threatening to kidnap or murder him, but to demonstrate that he is now important. Nobody is out to kill the dude. Nobody plans to assassinate a basketball player. The body guard, besides holding reservations for dinner or finding a parking spot for the Rolls, functions primarily as a status symbol.
Dobson claims he has received death threats. Oh yes, the forces of Satan are out to get him. But of course, if the forces of Satan were really out to get him, his body guards would be of absolutely no avail. In fact, this foolish trust he places in human efforts would endanger him, because we know that God would not approve. Think of all the times in the Bible that Israel put their trust in military might instead of God– they would be soundly defeated. Then they would repent, accept God’s new appointed leader, and charge on to victory.
God would be more faithful to James Dobson if he knew that Dobson trusted only in Him for his protection.
James Dobson wants you to vote Republican because he really, really, believes that that is what God wants you to do. He wants you to forget about science and physics and technology and teach your kids Creationism or Intelligent Design.
But as for his personal safety– there are those body guards.
On the contrary, I personally believe that Satan, if he is really as smart as they claim, would do everything within his power to keep James Dobson out there preaching and hectoring and advising Bush on Supreme Court appointments and so on, with his body guards, convincing millions of followers that being a chest-thumping militaristic materialistic patriotic American is as close as it comes to being a disciple of Jesus Christ.
In answer to my own question, Dobson believes you should stop spanking your children on the buttocks with a switch or a paddle by the time they are, oh, 10 or 11. Never spank teenagers. And if you secretly enjoy spanking– stop now. (Of course, the whole point of “secretly” enjoying spanking is that you know you should stop but don’t.) And never even attempt to spank the leaders of foreign countries like Iran or North Korea.
Who is the Council for National Policy? And why are they secretive?
Why does Dobson, who trusts in the Lord, have four bodyguards?
There’s some suspicion that Dobson may be quietly sucking up to McCain. If this is like a high-stakes game of chicken, Dobson just twitched.
[Confirmed later. Once McCain won the nomination, they basically sucked up to each other.]
Number of Abortions
George Bush has prevented: 0
It’s like magic– take a pro-war militaristic Republican who wants to send your sons and daughters out to risk their lives on behalf of big oil and Walmart, look at his personal history, and, voila: no military service! James Dobson dodged the draft by signing up with the National Guard — de rigueur for these righteous dudes!
What if John McCain wins in November? Oh oh! James Dobson has stated emphatically that he would rather not vote at all than vote for John McCain. The leading Agent of Intolerance in the U.S. will certainly stick to his principles now, even if he never, ever gets invited to the White House again, or gets to brag on his website about chatting with the prez over which pro-torture appointee should get to be on the Supreme Court.
I’ll stick my neck out: if it ever begins to look like McCain has the slightest chance of winning, Dobson will frantically signal to the McCain campaign that he is willing to let bygones be bygones and help get out the vote– and if the election looks close, McCain will have to bite his tongue– or somebody else’s tongue– hard to tell lately– and accept the assistance. And if he wins, he’ll have to invite Dobson over to the White House and let him drop his name on the website and brag about his political influence again.
And those of us who used to think McCain had some independent spirit will shed a tear or two over lost illusions.
Now here’s a bet: McCain could win in November if, among other things, he announced that no self-proclaimed unaccountable religious leader is going to tell him who gets to be on the Supreme Court.
[Moments after writing the above, I googled the issue and was shocked to find that part one has already happened: Dobson has been making overtures to McCain to come meet him at his “Focus on the Fascist” headquarters in Boulder, Colorado. McCain has so far declined.]