There was a scene in “Fleabag” episode 4 that kind of stunned me. Fleabag is at a “silent retreat” with her sister Claire, an unwelcomed gift from their dad. Next door is a men’s retreat in which a leader hilariously tries to train men to not call women sluts or mock them when they receive promotions. She sees Bank Manager there– someone she had previously flirted with while negotiating a loan for her cafe. She strikes up a conversation with him, over smokes, and he tells her that he has been forced to attend the workshop as a consequence of some inappropriate behavior at work. He touched a woman’s breast, twice.
Fleabag immediately offers him her breast to touch. He frowns and says, “I’m trying to quit”.
I immediately tried to imagine a similar scene in a CBC comedy, or on an American Network. I don’t think it’s possible. I think there would have been shrieking and threats of violence and boycotts and a new hashtag and resignations all around.
I thought of Mayor Park Won-soon of Seoul, Korea, who committed suicide after a secretary went public with accusations of sexual harassment. His offense seems to have consisted of repeatedly hitting on her. He sent her pictures of himself in his underwear. He pressed his body against her while taking selfies. He kissed a bruise on her leg.
“I felt defenseless and weak before the immense power,” the woman said in a statement released through her lawyer at a news conference on Monday. “I wanted to shout at him in a safe court of law, telling him to stop it. I wanted to cry out how much he has hurt me.”
It is politically incorrect to think: for this, he felt his only choice was to commit suicide? Was the secretary not able to warn him that she would go to the police if he continued the harassing behavior? We are not told if she did, but the prevailing wisdom among activists is that she shouldn’t have to.
The secretary is not apologetic. In fact, she is angry that people feel bad about Park Won-soon– who was a sterling advocate for progressive women’s issues his entire career– and not sufficiently considerate of her feelings.
I was disappointed. I thought she might say something like, “the way he treated me was wrong but I am horrified that an otherwise admirable person felt driven to this terrible act.”
I thought Fleabag’s reaction to the Bank Manager was admirable. It was “what’s the big deal?”. It was the act of a truly liberated woman, self-confident, independent, and wildly immune to the “system” that we are led to believe oppresses women. She would have told Park Won-soon to fuck off and that would probably have been the end of it.
But then… later, Fleabag tried to convince Claire to take a job in Finland that she was reluctant to take because she would be away from her husband, Martin. Fleabag told Claire that Martin had tried to kiss her, which was true. Martin denied it and claimed Fleabag had tried to kiss him. We learn later that Claire always did believe Fleabag but chose to stay with Martin for reasons of her own.
Unlike her interaction with Mr. Bank Manager, this was disappointingly conventional and hypocritical of Fleabag who has herself seduced married or attached men.
“Fleabag” is an outstanding series– you should see it. It is fabulously original and witty and sometimes transcendent, as when the priest delivers the homily at Fleabag’s father’s wedding, and when Fleabag’s father tells her that he likes Claire.