Weedership

John Van Maanen, a professor of management at M.I.T. Sloan who teaches a course named “Leading Organizations,” isn’t so sure it can. “Even today, three-plus decades in, there’s no real definition of it,” he says. “We can make people more conscious of ethical dilemmas in business, of the difficulty of directing people in times of adversity, and the confidence and communication skills necessary to do so. But the idea that such skills can be transmitted so that you can lead anybody at any time, that’s ideologically vacuous.”

“It’s difficult not to be frustrated by the excessive focus on it,” he says, “but it’s become so popular that we apparently can’t teach enough of it.”  NyTimes 2015-07-29

As I suspected…

May you have been blessed to be a “Leadership Trainer” (or whatever you call someone who confers “leadership skills” upon the worthy acolyte).  I fall back on Karl Popper’s theories about knowledge, that in order for something to be “true” it must be possible to prove it false.  In other words, for someone to say they have acquired “leadership skills” it must be at least theoretically possible to prove they have not.

I’m not talking about self-proclaimed leaders.   I’m talking about what the marketeers try to sell you as “leadership skills”.  It is not possible, of course, in reality, to measure them, because every leader just kind of feels good about himself or herself and starts talking about “we leaders must…” blah blah blah as if they have some kind of objective proof that they have made the grade.

A leader makes decisions.  A leader has a vision.  A leader makes tough choices.  A leader knows how to motivate his foundlings or acolytes or whatever.  Any two-bit manager does or does not do all of those things but only the ones who have received medals and certificates start to think there is something special about their own decisions and visions and choices.  In my experience, the ones with the most auspicious claims about their “leadership qualities” are the most likely to postpone, delay, consult, and equivocate.   They are more likely to slow things down and to impose wasteful bureaucratic procedures on the decision-making process, have more people sign off on decisions, and get angry when people, who actually want to get things done, do things without waiting for the “process” to catch up to them.

They are the kind of people that spend $6 million on consultants who recommend that they sell a provincial asset for $6 million, but don’t recommend that they never again hire idiot consultants to advise them on how to do the job they are paid to do.

Why?  Because a single really bad decision can wipe out years of equivocation, evasion, and obfuscation.  Why take a chance?  You can always, given the vocabulary of leadership training, claim to be a great leader without actually having to prove anything.  There is no way to prove that any leadership training has worked.  There is no way to prove that a leader is a good leader because if things are going well, they probably would have gone well anyway, and if things are going bad, they could always have gone worse.

But if someone can prove you made a bad decision, the cat is out of the bag.  So you hire a consultant.  And if it proves to be a bad decision, you say, “oh, but the that’s what the consultant recommended.”   They don’t say, “I am the one who chose a stupid consultant.”

People who actually make good, quick decisions– and stick to them– tend to have a more prosaic view of “leadership”: you’re in charge — make decisions.  They feel less threatened by others taking some initiative.  They don’t feel that other peoples’ accomplishments are a threat to their own status.

[whohit]Leadership Training[/whohit]

At an Extraordinary Personal Cost

I was just looking at a promo for the movie about Brian Wilson of the Beach Boys.  It tells me that this film, and  I quote, “examines the personal voyage and ultimate salvation of the icon whose success came at extraordinary personal cost“.   In order to create great music like “Fun Fun Fun” and “Good Vibrations”, he had to suffer.

No, he didn’t.

For one thing, the Beach Boys’ songs were not remotely about suffering or personal struggle.  Unless you believe that “Help Me Rhonda/Help me get around in my heart” really nails some kind of existential angst.

This is the kind of blather studios routinely put out there about the subjects of their films but this one is more annoying than usual.  (“Walk the Line”, which made up tragedy out of whole cloth, is another).  The “personal cost” they are referring to was not the price Brian Wilson paid for being creative and clever and inventive.  It is not about the part of his life that involved talent.  It was the price of being emotionally immature and spineless and allowing himself to be bullied by a mean dad.  It is about a failure of character.

The promo would like you to believe– as per the standard Hollywood myth (see “Walk the Line”)– that suffering produces great art.  Think about a person beset by misfortune, the early death of a parent, poverty, war, or bad health.  Some people with awful lives have produced great art.  That doesn’t mean their awful lives caused them to produce great art.

Many creative people– like many uncreative people– are emotionally immature and irresponsible.  The difference is, we don’t hear much about the uncreative people with those problems, unless they end up being the subject of the art produced by the creative people.  But creative people love the concept because, for one thing, it gives them an excuse for behaviors people normally judge to be bad.  They want to be forgiven.

It’s not the “price you pay” though there’s something to the idea that good artists are able to express their dissatisfying moments in their art.   People who generally accept the status quo and find their lives reasonably pleasing and satisfying are not likely to want to spend a huge amount of time trying to express their feelings about it, to argue it, to describe it, to re-imagine it, than people who are extremely dissatisfied with life.  To write or paint or compose, you have to be able to imagine something that does not exist.  And by something, I mean more than just objects or things.  I mean mind-sets, feelings, relationships, politics, sounds and images, words.  Most people can’t do that.

Did Amy Winehouse pay a steep emotional price for her music?  No, she was a fabulous artist who just happened to have a weakness for alcohol and drugs.  She paid a steep emotional price for having steep emotions, for feeling things intensely, for allowing herself to be manipulated by people around her with a financial stake in her schedule.  But it wasn’t the suffering that made her music great: it was her talent.

I remember an interview with Paul McCartney in Musician Magazine in which he discussed the criticism of his post-Beatles work, which many thought was trivial and unimportant.  He recognized that it was Lennon’s darker, more cynical vision that gave the Beatles’ music gravitas, and complained that he didn’t want to go out and suffer just so he could produce better music.

And he was right.  And wrong.  He didn’t need to suffer to produce great music.  He just needed to use a talent he didn’t have, to come up with a line like “puts on a face that she keeps in a jar by the door/who is it for?”

[whohit]At Extraordinary Personal Cost[/whohit]

No Rapes Please

A rape scene is not only too much for audiences, Ms. Zambello said, but it also overshadows everything else. “The point is fine,” she added, “but when it is so graphic it becomes the end rather than the means.”

Ms. Zambello is an opera director.  She is concerned here with offending the sensibilities of those educated, rich people who occasionally go out to the opera.

I would ask opera director Ms. Zambello if she plans to stage “Macbeth” or “Hamlet” or “Othello” or, well, just about anything, in the future, which might have a murder in it.   Or how about “Salome”, which features a decapitation?  If so, why would you refuse to stage a rape?  Why, indeed, would you stage anything at all, if you want your audiences to be shielded from the unpleasant realities of war and social dysfunction?

So substitute “murder” for “rape” in the quoted paragraph.  Well, it could be done.  It could be a Disney film.  No murders, no violence.  And it could be a serious film.  But it would never be a serious film involving a murder, because it would “overshadow” everything else in the story.  So get busy rewriting “Macbeth” and “Hamlet” and “The Pianist” and “Saving Private Ryan” and all the other works of art that have murders in them.

[whohit]No Rapes Please[/whohit]

Tony Blair’s Miraculous Self-Delusion

As everyone knows, former British Labour Prime-Minister Tony Blair has never apologized for urging the invasion of Iraq on what we now know were false pretences.  Never never never.  Never never never never never!  Tony Blair will go to his grave insisting to anyone who will listen that invading Iraq was such a good idea that it was worth sacrificing thousands of lives and spending over a trillion dollars of taxpayer money.  (He wouldn’t call the deaths, in the invasion itself, of 100,000 Iraqis a “cost”, of course.  Perhaps they were complicit in Saddam Hussein’s brutal regime, some how.)

Most amazingly, he doesn’t look at Iraq today and see failure, even though the invasion has been a complete disaster in every single respect.  It did not bring democracy and prosperity.  It did not bring peace.  It did not open the door to democratic progress in the Middle East.  It did not improve the security of Israel.  It did not weaken Iran.

Blair must go to bed some nights weeping over the Nobel Peace Prize he should have won and imagining how great it would have looked hanging over the mantel, next to the pictures of him cuddling with George Bush or Cher, or kissing Bono, or schmoozing with Bill Gates.

If you think he might eventually succumb to facts and information, dream on.  The invasion of Iraq is what I call an “identity issue”.  If someone likes a movie that you think is garbage, and you say so, that is not an identity issue: everyone has different taste.   But if you say you are lousy father and you ruined your son’s life,  you have created an identity issue.  To concede that you are right is impossible because the issue goes right to core of a person’s self respect and identity.

Blair’s self-image, his identity, is tied up with this image of an enlightened, rational, successful, beneficent leader.  To admit to have helped cause a massive political and military disaster would be unbearable– it would be tantamount to admitting that you are a worthless human being.  He’ll never do it.

He cannot give quarter on this issue.  He cannot display one second of weakness on his major points: Saddam Hussein was an awful man who had to go.  The world is better off without Saddam Hussein.  Dick Cheney was right.  And if Iraq is now ten times worse off in terms of stability, law and order, prosperity, and hope, well, it’s not my bloody fault they wouldn’t do their share.

Now he bemoans the Labour Party’s interest in a far-left candidate, Jeremy Corbyn.  He’ll spoil everything, he thinks.  He’ll make it look like the rich have been ripping off the working classes all along, even while I was prime minister.  He’ll make the rich pay taxes.  He’ll invest in infrastructure.  He won’t go to war.  Worst of all, he’ll lose the election, and, for Tony Blair, that is the unforgivable  sin, the identity sin, the one that makes him want to flee politics altogether: if it’s not my party, I won’t come.

[whohit]Tony Blair’s Miraculous Self Delusion[/whohit]

Theology

Would God say, “I forgive you, but you still have to pay”?

Why do we say it?

Because we’re not up to it, are we?  Then why do we say we forgive, when we still want someone to pay?  Because we claim to be good people, following the example of Jesus, and other moral leaders.   We know we are all sinners and that we can only find salvation through the forgiveness of Jesus Christ.  So we are obliged to forgive others.  So we do so, with our lips.  And then we say,  “but you still have to pay”, because we don’t really mean the part about forgiveness. We’re not that good.  We want you to think we are, but we’re not.  We’re really… no better.

Jesus gave the example of a man who steals your cloak.  What if he steals from you seven times?  What if he steals from you 100 times?  Do I still have to forgive him?  Jesus says yes, absolutely.   He is not sly or ambiguous about it: yes, absolutely.   So we have rewritten this lesson to add, “and then have him arrested and sent to prison”.

It is quite possible that most people do not understand the real historical meaning of prison in Christ’s time.  Today, you receive a sentence of fixed duration for a crime.  When your sentence is over, you are released.

We’re even.

In first century Galilee, under Roman rule, you went to prison if you committed a crime, and stayed there until you made it good.   Your crime was to deprive someone of the benefits of a piece of property, or a person and the only way to be released from this debt was to restore the piece of property or person, or compensate the victim with something they would accept as being of equal value to the loss.   Justice was not about retribution– it was about making it good.  Setting things right.  Restoring what had been lost.

But a victim could forgive.  Forgiveness did not mean, “I am a kind, good person who doesn’t hold a grudge, so while I enjoy the satisfaction of seeing you suffer I will perform the public act of generosity and grace and say that I forgive you”.  No.  It meant, “your debt is paid.  You are free.”

Until you made restitution….   Until you apologized and repented, to the satisfaction of the person you had wronged, you would be held in prison, unless the victim forgave you.  If no one brought you food, you starved.

But if the person you had wronged  said “I forgive you”, it meant something.  It meant you were released from obligation, and, therefore prison.  You owed nothing.

So when Christ told his followers to forgive those who wronged them, he meant, see that they are released from prison.  See that they no longer have to pay.  They are no longer under obligation to you.  Free them.  That is what Christians mean by being free in Christ: Christ has forgiven us for our sins.  We do not still have to pay.

So if you say, “I forgive you, but you still have to pay”, or “you need to get counseling”, or “I don’t think you’re sorry enough”, or “I just want to make sure this never happens to anyone else”,  you are a bald-faced liar, and you are really no better than the person you insist requires your “forgiveness”.   You are a bad Christian.

Possibly, some people will find this wacky.  What a strange idea.  People will simply commit crime after crime with impunity.  I think that probably some people will.  But I think that probably a lot of people would rather be restored to the good faith and trust of the community they live in.  I think a lot of people would realize that a community works because of the desire to heal rather than wound, embrace rather than reject, welcome rather than accuse.

Could I do it myself?  Am I speaking in a general, abstract sense here?  No, I’m not.  I mean it.  And I know others who have done it.  I don’t think it’s as hard as you think it is.  But you won’t get a lot of encouragement from anybody.  As a society, we tend to cheer on the guy who shoots and kills the burglar he caught breaking into his house.

Yeah, that’s pretty hopeless.  And if you are looking for a church, and it’s members, to be exemplars of this model, then it really looks hopeless.  Utterly, completely, totally hopeless.

You’re welcome.

 

Hollywoodizing Greek Debt

In almost every Hollywood movie, some characters will do bad things. They will be ill-mannered. They will be mean to a child or a pet. They will be sneaky and dishonest. The purpose of these incidents is so the viewer can enjoy seeing this character dismembered, tortured, or killed later, guilt-free. It’s not much fun to watch terrible things happen to people at random– they don’t deserve it. So first, we must establish that the character deserves it. Now we can enjoy the violence.

In the same way, the Greeks must be perceived as lazy, self-indulgent, greedy, reckless, and sneaky, before we get to enjoy watching their economy destroyed by the troika (the EU, the IMF, and various European governments). Otherwise, we will feel as though we should help them. That Greek pensioner crying on the sidewalk because he can’t get any cash from the ATM to buy food? He voted for a government that pays people not to work, that hires commissioners to take care of lakes that have dried up, that lets people retire at the age of 40, and so and so on.

I’m not inclined to join the brow-beating because I keep circling back to the same question over and over again: what idiot banker would lend money to an insolvent government?

We know that the banks in North America do not make loans so that they can be paid back. Where’s the fun, and profits, in that? They make loans to increase your indebtedness to the point where you cannot pay off your loan. Instead, you pay high interest rates, in perpetuity, on that loan. That is the banker’s wet dream. The fact that the average American owes about $8,000 on his credit card is proof that the strategy has been widely successful.  The fact that 50% of the population do not actually have any “wealth” (read Thomas Piketty) proves that most of us don’t understand how the economy really works.

So the banks were not lending money to Greece so they could improve their economy and then pay them back. They were lending insane amounts of money to Greece in the hope that they would not be able to pay the loans back, but would have to make large payments, year after year, for decades, generating enormous profits for the banks.

In Iceland, the bankers who developed this kind of strategy were fired, arrested, charged, convicted, and imprisoned. Iceland told the banks, this is a capitalist, free enterprise society. You intentionally made bad loans. Your customers can’t pay them back, and you knew it. You lose. Iceland declared bankruptcy and the banks were wiped out. Iceland started new banks to facilitate cash flow and started over.  The prison sentences were given because the bankers knew full well what they were doing.  Lending enormous sums of money to people or institutions that cannot pay it back is not the result of carelessness, but of careful, conscious planning.

Greece is not the same. But the result should have been the same. Banks, trying to make big money, loaned the Greek Government billions of Euros. Did they check to see if the Greek Government would be able to pay them back? Evidently not. But employees of the bank made millions of Euros in commissions by arranging these loans. In a capitalist system, when Greece could no longer make payments, the banks should have lost their money. The bankers would have been fired. And Greece would have had to start over. Maybe the banks would have collapsed. Well, that’s free enterprise.

But that’s not what happened. Instead, the European governments led by Germany bailed out the shareholders of those banks. Now they want their money back. They did not require the banks to do their due diligence before making their loans, so they have just done an enormous favour to the banking industry.  They didn’t punish the bankers for making fraudulent loans and failing to perform due diligence: they rewarded them.

But they don’t tell you that the Greeks must pay them for this favor to the banks’ shareholders.

They say, you selfish, lazy Greeks. You took all our money and now you won’t pay it back. And they act like Alex Tsipras has been ruling the country for 20 years, creating all that debt.

The story continues.

[whohit]Hollywoodizing Greek Debt[/whohit]

The Look and the Sound of Silence

The ending of “The Graduate” is a legend now.  And I suspect it’s about time someone made the traditional attempt to “debunk” the mythological greatness of it and attack the whole strange sequence as mediocre, confusing, or trivial.

Personally, I think it holds up extremely well.  In fact, I dare say, it seems stronger and more allusive today to me than ever before, while the rest of the second half of the movie does, at times, seem aimless and rote.  The uncanny momentum of the first half, up to when Elaine learns about the affair, suddenly deflates and wanders, until it seems to gather itself up again into some kind of  raucous crescendo with the wedding.

But it can’t be denied that part of the marvelous impact of that last scene on the bus  is due to the expectation of the Hollywood ending, the happy music, the smiles, the suggestion that all is now well.  With expectations like that in place, the first encounter with that long, lingering, ambiguous take is rather stunning.  And it shifts the viewer’s perception from that empty, trivial, inauthentic kitsch to the rich complex authentic possibilities of their relationship– not all unicorns and hazy meadows.

Some commentators feel that the ending is therefore sad and pessimistic.  I don’t think it goes that far.  I don’t think we encounter a fateful, tragic mistake.  What we have is the real possibility that they will work things out but only after actually learning to cope with life beyond the magic hysteria of their escape from stultifying bourgeois conformity.  Maybe Benjamin becomes an environmental activist.  Maybe Elaine becomes a feminist.

100 Reasons Why Life is Still Worth Living in No Particular Order

1 Tom Waits
2 Carey Mulligan in “An Education”.
3 the possibility of someone smart being elected president in 2008
4 Studio 60
5 Bon Ivor’s “Flume”
6 Nikon Digital SLR cameras
7 fried eggs on Saturday morning
8 movie:  Pan’s Labyrinth
9 ratchet sets
10 rechargeable battery powered drills
11 the stick shift standard transmission
12 the satisfying resolute click of a key being pressed on a 15-year-old Northgate computer keyboard, or an IBM model “M”.
13 the original Minolta 70-210mm f2.8 lens
14 curried chicken
15 the Wendy’s spicy chicken sandwich
16 Linux
17 Jennifer Connelly in “Once Upon a Time in America”.
18 Peter Sellers, especially in “Dr. Strangelove”
19 Ingmar Bergman
20 Hockley Valley, Ontario, in the fall
21 blizzards with clingy snow
22 driving through Hastings, Ontario
23 Algonquin Park
24 Bob Dylan
25 Apple pie a la mode
25 Tiger ice cream
26 The film “Rashomon”
27 community theatre
28 Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall
29 PBS’s Frontlilne
30 High Definition and Surround Sound
31 peaches
32 strawberries
33 Keira Knightly not getting breast implants.
34 Director Werner Herzog
35 Jon Krakauer
36 Ozu’s films
37 Greta Gerwig
38 Charlie Chaplin
39 Buster Keaton
40 Pierre Trudeau
41 ice bergs
42 the Jetcycle, only available in Newfoundland
43 Stanley Kubrick
44 shelties
45 the drive from Banff to Jasper
46 E.B. White
47 Larry Marshall as Simon Zealotes in “Jesus Christ Superstar”
48 Jules et Jim
49 Jean Seberg, especially in “Breathless”
50 MySQL databases: efficient, stable, and free
51 Arcade Fire
52 Lea Seydoux
53 Wes Anderson
54 balsamic vinegar salad dressing
55 Lightwave 3D
56 the Minolta 50 mm f1.7 lens, on a Sony Nex 7 camera
57 The Sony VX-2000, in it’s day, a terrific video camera
58 the Sony minidisc, in it’s day, a terrific audio recorder and I’ll be damned if I can believe how long it would run on that tiny little battery.
59 blueberries
60 the massive, belching, bleeping, monstrous “Big-Boy” UP 4023, 4-8-8-4 ALCO Steam Locomotive, or this one, a similar model.
61 The 1987 Toyota 4Runner with the standard stick shift, before they ruined it by making it bigger and bigger.
62 PBS News Hour
63 West Wing, especially the first 4 seasons written by Aaron Sorkin
64 Alice Munro’s short stories, especially “Who do you Think you are?”
65 oral sex
66 the bikini
67 San Francisco
68 The Musee Mecanique in San Francisco
69 Robert Duvall
70 Rutger Hauer as the dying android in “Blade Runner”, and his beautiful final speech: “I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe…”
71 “Anchorage”, the song by Michelle Shocked
72 “Silence is Golden”, weirdly beautiful, by the Tremeloes
73 Bob Dylan doing “Just Like a Woman” in an Italian accent at Maple Leaf Gardens in Toronto in February 1974, with the Band.
74 The Band, especially “Stage Fright”. and “The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down”, and “Cripple Creek”: if there’s one thing in the whole wide world/I sure do like to see/It’s when that love of mine dips her donut in my tea”.
75 The guy who gave Bob Kelly a job after the scandalous reckless prosecution of the Little Rascals Day Care case in North Carolina.
76 Judy Collins doing “Someday Soon”.
77 Keith Richard still being alive
78 Ofra Bikel, documentary film-maker
79 The Roches singing the Hallelujah Chorus on PBS.
80 The Roches singing “The Hammond Song”
81 The Poppy Family– Susan Jacks– singing “A Different Drum”
82 MOMA (New York City)
83 Bach’s Brandenburg Concertos
84 The movie “Wings of Desire” by Wim Wenders
85 The Neuschwanstein Castle in Germany
86 Wenceslaus Square, Prague, and that crazy clock
87 The movie “Amadeus”
88 Dawson City, Yukon, Canada.
89 battery powered drills
90 Tombstone Park, Yukon, Canada
91 the drive from Banff to Jasper, Alberta, Canada.
92 wooden toboggans
93 The Shaw Festival production of “Lady Windemere’s Fan”: the most nearly perfect play I have ever seen.
94 “Our Town” by Thorton Wilder
95 “Girl From the North Country”, the musical.
96 Drones
97 Zebs’ General Store, North Conway, New Hampshire
98 Fall in New Hampshire, especially near Lincoln and Mount Washington: the leaves!
99 Bernie Sanders
100 Fresh cut French fries

 

Clinton Clinton Clinton!

Two events signaled a decisive change in the course of the Clinton Scandal and the impeachment proceedings. Firstly, CNN ran a little piece by a reporter who is actually OUT THERE covering congressional elections. He gently chided people who think that the Clinton scandal matters. He reported that the people are interested in Education, Health Care, and the minimum wage. Nobody is asking candidates where they stand on the impeachment, and Republican candidates are not advertising the fact that they are in favour of it. Could it be they have SOME shame? That CNN aired this report indicates the passing of a fantasy. CNN is not exactly known for their bold, independent analysis of facts. They tried to play up the scandal big time and now appear to have accepted the fact that most Americans just don’t see it as that big a deal, and regard the entire impeachment stuff as nothing more than partisan politics. In the latest poll, less than 11% think Congress should proceed with impeachment. That’s less than the percentage of people who think the Earth is flat.

Newsweek ran an article on the scandal this week that compared it to Watergate. It was a light, irreverent piece, that made it clear that there was no comparison. Watergate was about a lot of very serious criminal acts by the President and his top advisors.

Both magazines are playing to a very subtle thing: the winds of perception. What they are saying is that there is now a widespread consensus that the Lewinsky scandal won’t wash as justification for impeachment.

Something I’ve been saying since January.

* * *

Conservatives like to rant and rave about the Presidency sinking to a new “low”, as if letting tens of thousands of people die in Rwanda or Bosnia wasn’t a “low”.

* * *

Have you bought a magazine lately? Have you ever gone to a really good magazine store, where they stock everything? I walk down the display case, boggled. There are magazines on every conceivable interest, including “Feminist Lesbian Natural Healing Cyber Music Guide” and “Mollusk Interpretations for Franciscan Feminist Social Worker Anthropoid Researchers”. Is there too much information in the world? Is there such a thing as too much information? There is probably a magazine on “Information Overload”. I think there is: “Adbusters”.

You can’t keep up with everything anymore. You just hope that Time or Newsweek picks up the important stuff, and that TV movies give you the basic issue information that you need to make intelligent conversation at parties.

The Internet is like one of these magazine stores, except a hundred times bigger. A million times bigger. I think what will happen is that, after spending hundreds of years making new information, we will spend the next hundred years sorting information into useful categories and subsets.

***

They are everywhere now: cameras. Web-cams. Video-conferencing.

Some day-cares are now installing T-1 connections and “KinderCams”. Parents can check on their little ones through the internet, at any time during the day. Some people find this scary. They’re right. It is scary. We’ll deal with the scary aspects of it. It’s also great. As long as the workers know they’re being watched, I think it’s great. On the one hand, yes, we are being suspicious and cynical about people. On the other hand, we will know more. It is always better to know more than to know less. We may learn that we have been hysterically paranoid for all of our lives for no reason. Or we may learn that life is full of little complexities that are best left alone. Or we may learn that generally day-care workers do a good job. Who knows? We just learn. We have this voracious appetite to know and see and hear everything.

***

Shift Magazine printed a Q&A between some hackers and Senator Fred Thompson. It was pointed out that when the Volkswagen Company found a defect that would affect only three cars out of 8,500, they sent letters to every owner and recalled all of the cars in order to fix it.

Are you still waiting for your letter from Microsoft? Me too. Did you realize that the entire Internet can be brought down by hackers breaking into Windows NT computers? Is that a defect?

Sunday Evening Epiphany

I was walking around at the University of Guelph yesterday, enjoying the wind and sun, and the crackling of dry leaves, when a young woman appeared on the cobblestone walkway coming towards me. She was wearing dark, tight jeans, and a black shirt open to just about where I like it, and she was carrying a backpack. She was walking alone. And a number of things about her made the day a little less unremarkable.

1. the cheerful way she walked, though she was carrying a heavy pack

2. the way her hips swayed slightly, gracefully; the way of a woman who walks confidently, but not without a sense of style. What I’m trying to get at here is how unshowy yet mesmerizing her walk was. Smooth and graceful.

3. she was partly business– shoulder-length hair, pulled back, just a little make-up–and partly show–little silver earrings that I couldn’t quite make out, and the generous display of neck.

4. she looked directly at me as she walked by and smiled and said “hi”.

It was the “hi” finally, that tingled. College students! Some strange guy appears from nowhere, right in your path, so, of all things, you say hi, hello, good evening, who are you? Her face was entirely free of parochial suspicion or feminist contempt. She looked directly at me and acknowledged that I had entered her carefree orbit.

I, who normally spend most of my time with adults or employees or whathaveyou, was slightly taken aback. I don’t spend enough time at college campuses, obviously. I walk past dozens, maybe hundreds of people every day. No one greets you, least of all with a guileless smile and cheerful “hi”, unless, perhaps, if you are directly in their way, or they’re trying to sell you something.

Hi, she said. Who are you? Do I know you? Should I know you? Are you a person I will come to know? There are possibilities here and I am listing a million of them with two letters: h-i. Hi. Hello. I see your eyes, do you see mine? We are facing each other. You are looking at my body. Do you like how I dress? I have the energy to stride down this walkway with confidence and purpose– I am going somewhere, but I see you facing me, not directly in my path, but you are there, and I am telling you that I recognize another human being who may have a million possible adventures tomorrow and I have a little smile on my face because I, too, might have a million adventures tomorrow, and for one second, I am telling you that your adventures are mine, and my adventures are yours.

Hi, I can’t stop, I have to go, and I don’t know you, so I won’t stop, but it is possible to know me, and it is possible to know you, and there’s a lot I can tell you about myself with my two letters and my stride and the way my jeans make me feel like I am sleek and purposeful, protected but free, as if these are the kind of jeans that I can slip out of in two seconds if you took my two letters and built cathedrals out of them some evening when, after my “hi”, you said “hi, what’s your name”, and I told you. And I might tell you because when I see you in my path the only thing I can think of to say to you, a perfect stranger, is “hi”, leaving open all the infinite possibilities of you saying “hello… what’s your name?”

And in a few seconds she was past me, looking ahead again, thinking ahead, perhaps about the person she is going to meet, or the room she is headed for, the comfort, the envelope of arranged bed and sheets and tooth brush and over-sized t-shirt, and a moment of wonder, perhaps, about the possibilities of people she might or might not know.

I’ve been thinking about this all night. I am obsessed with a question. If I had said, “Hi. What’s your name?” Would that have changed things? Maybe she would have laughed for the sudden improbability of the question coming from a passing stranger, and answered “why?” or “I don’t give out my name to strangers”, but maybe she would have laughed and answered reflexively, using her good manners, and then said, “Why?”. Or maybe she would have laughed and looked away quickly and walked on, and everything would once again resemble “real” life, which is what we call that phony groveling most of us offer as an excuse for social life nowadays. And maybe she would have looked away quickly, a little frightened, alarmed, or nervous.

Maybe she would have called the campus police: “He asked me my name!”

If I could do the moment over again, I would ask her name. I’d say “hi”, the same way I did say “hi”, but this time, quickly, “Excuse me– what’s your name?” and put on my friendliest possible face. And if she gave me her name, her Ann or Lisa or Renee or June or Tara or Katarina or Natasha or Mary or Maryanne or Elizabeth or Roxanne, then I would say, “I just wanted to say that your walk and your face and your ‘hi’ have added a halo to this evening. I’ll bet you don’t know how beautiful you are. I just wanted to tell you that.” But I would not tell her how much it aches just to watch her walk by.

Well, that’s my Monday morning thought. I think I’ll go back to sleep at my desk now.

 

[Written about an evening when I brought Paul to Guelph to rehearse with Bruce of a progressive jazz combo.]