Of course these are not really the worst singles of all time. Most people have never heard the worst singles of all time– like “The Times They Are A’Changin'” by Rabbi Abraham Feinberg, or “Clouds” by Leonard Nimoy or “Big Yellow Taxi” by Bob Dylan or “Mr. Tambourine Man” by William Shatner– because they simply have never been played on the radio.
So, actually, these are songs that stink even though they were massively promoted and acquired a certain following. Note that in a few cases, the song itself, like “Smells Like Teen Spirit”, might be pretty good: it is this specific performance that makes the list.
- Wonder Wall (Oasis)
- Seasons in the Sun (Terry Jacks)
- I Write the Songs (Barry Manilow)
- The Night Chicago Died (Paper Lace)
- Honey (Bobby Goldsboro)
- I am I said (Neil Diamond)
- Cracklin’ Rosie (Neil Diamond)
- Candle in the Wind 1997 (Elton John)
- Popcorn (Hot Butter)
- Achy Breaky Heart (Billy Ray Cyrus)
- Smells Like Teen Spirit (Paul Anka)
- Hanky Panky (Tommy James and the Shondells)
Honorable Mentions (added November 2007)
- Three Times a Lady (Lionel Richie)
- Every Thing I Do (Bryan Adams)
- Puppy Love (Donny Osmond, written by Paul Anka)
- Glamour Boy (Guess Who)
- We Will Rock You (Queen)
- Never Been to Me (Charlene)
- Feelin’ Groovy (Simon & Garfunkel)
- Do Yah Think I’m Sexy (Rod Stewart)
Most ill-advised single of all time:
- Pet Me, Poppa (Rosemary Clooney).
Most horrible earworm (tie):
- “Mandy” (Barry Manilow),
- “Sweet City Woman”, (Stampeders)
Note: the writers of “Hanky Panky”, Jeff Barry and Ellie Greenwich, have no illusions: they wrote the song in the hallway of a recording studio to be on the b-side of a new single. Both admit it is a terrible piece of work.
Dissent:
Wonder Wall” was recently voted the best pop song ever by a segment of the British public which is probably also responsible for the tabloids and Benny Hill. I don’t get it. I can’t even finish listening to it once. It sounds to me like your older brother, when you are 11, and he is about 13, and he is making fun of a song you like, by singing it in as unpleasant a voice as he can manage, without any noteworthy accompaniment. And it sounds like he is making up the lyrics at the same time, in a kind of sing-song, nasal, whine on the “now”.
I was just stunned to learn, recently, that “I’ve Never Been to Me” was first released in 1977! 1977! Was it written by a man? I knew it! Written by Ron Miller, Kenneth Hirsch! How did I know? Because almost all bad songs written about women’s roles are authored by men: “Having My Baby”, “I am Woman”.
And a good one: “You Don’t Own Me” performed by Leslie Gore.
A British Worst
Singles of All Time List.